Czech supermodel Veronika Varekova in GQ. Let’s have a look!

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock some time ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

6. Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

7. Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.

8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

9. If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

10. You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

That’s what happens to British girls when they go on holiday to Ibiza! They suddenly start going topless!

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I
can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2
hours.”

The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door
and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.”

The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and
asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.”

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me
a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long
he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, “Your house.”

Now I’m now master criminal but if I were to rob a convenience store I would probably use a gun or a knife…This guy used a palm tree and his flip flops.

For those of you who don’t know who this legendary man is here is an excerpt from Wiki: Jackie Chan is one of the best-known names in kung fu and action films worldwide for his acrobatic fighting style, comic timing, use of improvised weapons and innovative stunts. He has acted since the 1970s, appearing in over 100 films and has received stars on the Hong Kong Avenue of Stars and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. As a cultural icon, Chan has been referenced in various pop songs, cartoons and video games. Besides acting, Chan is a Cantopop star, having released 20 albums since 1984 and sung many of the theme songs for the films in which he has starred.

I’m going to bet this guy is not having a good day. I love the end of the clip when he checks out the rear of the car then walks off as if he just made it fit.